What is this?

I never thought it was possible to let anyone in.
Thought I'd always be alone.
Never thought I'd win.
Your heart so valuable beats against mine.
In tune we play music,
One beat at a time.
Your sweet voice is a melody.
Whisper in my ear.
You softly play my strings,
I shiver when you're near.
I don't understand why i ever feared...
A love like this so true,
Without it where would i be?
What on earth would i do?
Who knew?
That deep within my chest lives an organ.
And with each second it pounds against it's cage for you.
It's free now to roam and discover a new world.
So fresh, unpaved.
The soil ready to imprint the soles of my feet.
Let us travel hand in hand.
I'm ready to explore these new feelings with you by my side.
What was once foreign is now second nature to me.
You've helped me to grow and mature as a person.
I'm in love with you.
I hope i meet your expectations.
You've exceed mine and have gotten rid of all my hesitations.
It's not you,
Or me...
We are as perfect as can be.

Jezebel In A Strangers Bed

Woke up this morning,
Could barely lift my head.
Had no clue where i was.
It was somewhere new.
Introduced,
Without and introduction.
A strangers bed.

Body frigid from the realization of this uncomfortable situation.
Naked, striped of my clothes while trying to grasp at my dignity.
What is left of my pride slowly distinguishes.
Throat is dry and my voice crackles.
I feel as tho i'm being held hostage.
But i'm free to leave,
Forget with ease.
Which should be easy considering...
Can't remember the sequence of events,
That led me to a strangers bed.

I try to move but can't,
The sheets are tangled between my legs.
Everything is white... almost pure.
I am the human stain.
A sexual being,
Body like an instrument.
Music played for pleasure.
Tantalizing notes.
I'm a pawn in a hedonistic game of chess.
Is it worth it?
My body is no longer mine,
It's bruised and torn,
Broken beyond repair.
I'm not even there.
Just walk on me,
Past me,
Or better yet just walk on through me.

They call me Jezebel,
They call me whore.
I know what I am,
I know my role.
Barely even worthy of a name.
I'm a disgusting addiction meant to be used and abused.
Artificial connections momentarily satisfy my needs,
Keeping me sane.
Makes me feel a little less disposable,
Giving me a little less to lose.
This constant mind occupying delusion never fails to reoccur,
And always seems to lead me back to another strangers bed.

The rising action...

Never speak of what you don't know.
Don't make judgments,
Know that feelings grow old.
Nothing stays the same.
Things are not always how they seem.
Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me,
Tell me you'll stay true.
Try to predict the feelings...
That in a year or two will behold you.
Lock your heart into a vault and refuse to let it roam.
Free and independent,
Like all hearts should be.
HOW DARE YOU,
Try to put that spell on me!
I'm in as much love as my heart will let me be.
Relying on you is not the life i want to lead.
Take a step back and try to grasp...
Exactly what kind of girl it is you see?
I'm strong and bold,
Beyond your weak hold.
Sweet and genius, desirous to all.
Accomplished and liberal...
Above all sorts of misery.

Here is what you need to be told.
It's simply sad that you are not in the know.
What you and i have is not made of gold.
Our foundations are not worth as much as you think.
We will not be in love till we both grow old.
Or till one of us dies and is to be buried in the deep, cold ground.
Six feet under and we would still not make a great love story.
Because when it comes to you and i...
There is nothing to be told.
Unfortunately there is nothing to expose.
You are the rising action to my denouement.

Page for English B

The instructor said,
Go home and write
A page tonight
And let that page come out of you-
Then, it will be true.

My thoughts are all jumbled.
I can't think straight.
My knowledge is not vast enough,
To grace this page.
I'm simply young,
Not wise,
And barely cool.
My brain is not accustomed to being of any use.
I stroll through the same park,
Aimlessly wandering.
I sit on the same swing,
Going up and then down.
Reaching for the sky but failing to touch.
I sit on the same bench...
I sit and i write.

How am i supposed to know exactly what is true?
When i still can't manage to bask in my youth.
My time is falling, dropping, slipping
Out of my hands, i try to pull it back
But i watch as it splashes on the page.
The paper soaks it up, enjoying it more than i ever did.
I miss it's dancing, laughing and joy.
I yearn for it's beauty, energy and coy.
Maybe my youth wasn't what was keeping me from discovering my wisdom.
Maybe my mind could have grown and developed all along?
So will my page drink up all my childish wonders?

Since i am young... it will be young.
With a pinch of reason that has come with age.
You're so old.
Soon i will be too.
This is life.
Sometime i want to put life on pause,
And then there are time where i feel it wants to let go of me.
But i hold on to find the truth.
Life teaches me and i learn it's lessons.
It is old, experienced and wise.

This is my page for English B.

Sit on it.

Vulnerability at the heart of my insecurities.
Barriers beg to be broken.
Hurt...
And still hurting.
Wounds covered in dirt.
Going where?
I don't know...
You,
You,
You.
FUCK...
YOU!
Me is dying.
I'm almost dead.
No use in crying.
There is an animal inside me dying to be fed.
I'm weak...
Full of hate.
And in desperate want of love.
Love the one thing i know i'm not above.
I'm terrified of you.
You scare me to death.
I despise you for making me feel.
You,
You.
Fuck you.

Moving on...

Where should i go from here?
I'm frozen still,
Every bit of my is struggling to push...
FORWARDS!
Feet grounded,
Head in the air.
I'm being held captured.
Forced to relive the same moments over again.
Harsh and resentful winds,
PLEASE...
Love me!
And rescue me from my lack of motivation.
Release the negativity seeping out of my pores.
Defeat my doubts with your fists a pounding.
Help me take that one step towards...
An awaiting tempest,
Destined to beat me and make me stronger.
A steep, dangerous and unforgiving mountain...
Ready to take my life.
If only to teach me the value of it all.
Ravenous waters, thirsty to drown me.
Scarier things than the ground beneath my feet.
I yearn for heroic scars,
And stories of ambitious adolescence to tell.

Deep end

I'm in so deep.
I'm drowning.
Choking on my words,
Struggling with my thoughts.
Falling...
But it doesn't feel as i imagine it would.
No cold cruel air beating against my face.
No voice in my head telling me i'm going to die.
No life flashing before my very eyes.
No way to live.
No way...
No way to get out alive.
A feeling of numbness envelopes my soul.
Soaking me with darkness,
Dragging me into the depths below.
Barely able to breathe,
Suffocating and convulsing in my own debris.
I'm fighting a battle i know i'll lose.
I'm in too deep.
I can't go back.
No running away.
No safe place to stay.
No lights glimmering at the end to warm...
No way to win,
No way,
No way to conquer the being that is "I."

Plant trees (lots of them)

The city is on strike.
The humid air beats against the sidewalks.
A stench lingers,
Filling our lungs with toxic air.
Satisfying our distaste of living and breathing things.
We pollute our place of habitation.
We shit where we eat!
There can be no future while the present lays in shambles.
Laying in our feces we beg for a drop of water.
We think we are entitled to the earths natural treasures.
We have proven ourselves unworthy,
Undeserving of the jewels Mother Nature so kindly offers.
She gives and we scramble taking advantage of her hospitality.
This is her home and we are simply guests.
Temporary beings, here now, gone tomorrow.
And in our place we leave our dirt.
A token of reminder to all who come after.
If anyone manages to exist in the chaos we leave in our paths.
They'll know what we did...
We won't know what they'll do.
It's a mystery to us.
We'll be history to them.