Lesson

Your words are not important,
Not worth a second of attention.
Silence!
You think your speech,
Wise beyond your years.
Quiet!
You are deluded child,
Keep your mouth shut.
Silence!
To learn you must listen,
To listen you must be…
Quiet!
Wisdom comes from self-examination,
Knowledge although profound is not innate.
Silence!
And you will learn.

The Illusion of hope

I aim to be pleased, and above all to be understood.
I dream of being cherished, but know I ask of a miracle.
Where is this saint who could treat me like gold?
When I’m feeling down in the dirt,
Ready to be sold, for my last ounce of dignity...
This has perished, and turned to stone.
What is left to be saved?
When Ive allowed myself to remain lost.
Is their a value to my life?
What exactly is the cost?

I’d love to be admired, admire to be loved.
I yearn a feeling of connection, could it possibly exist?
Is their more to a relationship?
Than skin on skin, and lips meeting in a kiss.
I await a galloping white horse,
And am met with remorse.
My standards may be high, but my sights are set low.

Romeo O Romeo,
In a trance, he walks off the page.
He’s standing in front of me,
As real as a mirage can be.
Men like him do not subsist.
Can’t possibly manage reality, which is this.
I allow myself to fall in love with a fictional character.
I continue living the life of a great English novel,
In which I have major control over, as the narrator.

Weakened By My Needs

Weakened by my needs,
Struggling to find a means,
To continue with this journey,
That will lead to the power within.
Pain and strife dismissed,
Plenty more torture to witness.
Followed by a kiss; meant to keep me alive?
Why? To find solace in your abandonment?
To hold me hostage from my dreams?
Tie me up and victimize me, leaving me with nothing.
Gasping for air, while holding my breath.
Nothing to clasp on to, nothing to accomplish.
Your feelings for me have gone astray…
There’s nothing left, you’ve made your bed now lay!
Taunting the misfortunate, those fools who choose to love.
Taking advantage of their naive feelings.
Feeding on their compassionate souls, taking all sucking it dry.
Unforgivable your deeds will go, I’ll take them to my grave.
Scheming and planning my sought-out revenge,
The destination of your fate will remain unforgettable till the end…

Unforgettable till the end, remember when I considered you a friend?
Unspoken promises of loyalty,
I was a puzzle that only you could comprehend.
You figured me out, satisfied my needs…
Whispered me sweet nothings, comforted me to sleep.
I relied on you, like the air that I breathe.
The things I see now were impossible to visualize then.
You taught me to observe through rose tinted glasses.
The worlds a game, just like the one you played me for…
A complete charade, it’s all in your mind yet I’m forced to play along.
You coerced me into acting like a puppet on a stick…
With not much a brain and hardly any wit.
Your morals are unknown of; your ethics ceases to exist.
You live in a world empty of logic, reliant on other forms of rationality.
You’re constantly surrounded by a nostalgic air.
Being with you has caused me to loose all dignity…
Head hung low,
Weakened by my needs,
Struggling to find a means…
To my end.

The Guards of My Secrets

Want to know a secret?
Close your eyes and pretend to be me.
Take a second to dive into my dreams.
Hold your breath because in my world sweet air is rare.
Feel the pain inside my chest.
The weight of boulders pushing against my breasts.
The intense amount of stress nagging me constantly.
The hair on my head screaming to be pulled out by it's roots.
The voices inside; antagonizing the fuck out of me.
My tender heart bleeding profusely.
My thoughts begging to be heard.
The guards trapping my soul.
Imagine their blades...
Envision them trying to break through my hard exterior;
They break again and again.
Failing time and time again.
I'm protected but i'm a prisoner of my own making.
I'm my own victim.
I'm trapped and scared...
But you must look inside me to see.
I'm tired and withered but young enough to grow.
Now you know my secret.
So now you can open your eyes.
Watch me as i continue to live this tedious life.

New Beginnings

New beginnings start with an ending.
Starting anew, refreshing my damaged soul.
A deep breath of cold, cool air filling my lungs.
A tingling in my fingertips spreading all over.
My feet escaping the shackles planted to the ground.
Body feels light... lost and wandering.
Trying to find a home away from home.
Feeling enlightened... building myself up from scratch.
My foundations have collapsed.
I'm digging through the debris of my life.
Trying to find a light to follow.
The sun is shinning and the storm is a thing of the past.
No more tempest ragging war!
No more grasping at surreal ideologies.
Life is what i make it.
And i shall make it.
I'm prepared to reconstruct myself,
Starting from the bottom...
Working myself up to the top.
I'am a work in progress.
There will always be something to repair.
I'm starting anew.
I'm focused on new beginnings.
I won't distract myself with the endings.
I will always live for an always within a never.

Beyond Forever

Put all your faith into my hands.
Store all your love in the center of my heart.
Shed all your tears upon my soul.
Pour all your thoughts into my ears.
Give me your all and i promise to give back.
Trust in me and i'll never let you down.
Always tell me the truth and i promise to never lie to you.
Keep me in your thoughts and i'll think of nothing but you.
Hold me close and i'll never pull away.
Make me laugh and i'll be there when you cry.
My love for you is so strong,
It'll continue to exist long after i'm gone.
Take me whole and tenderly caress my insides.
Bring me happiness when all i want to do is die.
Break my heart...
I'll love you still.
I could never not love you,
It's beyond my will.

A song from a soul in denial

My life is like no other,
Throughout it has come no good.
My tale will make you shiver
Your knee’s will tremor and you’ll feel a cold...
A wind from beneath, from far
Taking you forwards.
Towards a journey with no ending
Set in a mind with no goals.

Put yourself in my shoes,
You wouldn’t if you knew.
What goes on in my mind,
What makes me do the things I do.
An evil gleam and a hideous smile
Comes from a soul that’s in denial.
Take a second to consider those shoes of mine,
Want to live a life so divine?
You wouldn’t if you could.

Try to picture me again,
A story of failure
And pity success.
About me, my life and my endless struggles
Rock bottom, lower than low
I guess from here, there’s nowhere else to go.
Except upwards, towards my dreams
Set in a mind that’s accomplished nothing.

So after examining a life so fine,
Would you dare imagine trading yours for mine?
Your kidding? Are you serious?
Have you heard a word I’ve said?
… well when you put it that way
I wouldn’t take yours for a dime
Things are difficult but hey… that’s life!

Put yourself in my shoes
Try walking the way I do.
Telling nonconstructive lies,
For the greater good.
An innocent yet vile soul
That’s lost in the wild.
Want to trade you shoes with mine?
You’d collapse after only a mile!