The Perfect Vision

"The quivering, ardent sunlight showed him the lines of cruelty round the mouth as clearly as if he had been looking into a mirror after he had done some dreadful thing."

- Oscar Wilde (The Picture of Dorian Gray)

My body feels weak; my head is pounding. Beside me my alarm clock is ringing. I want it to stop! I have the ability to make it end but instead i clench my eyes shut and try to block out the noise. It doesn't work. So i jump out of my bed and violently pull the alarm out by it's plug. I turn to face my empty bed and try to remember the last time i woke up to a warm body next to me. Thinking of my failed marriage only worsens my mood.

I step out into the hallway and make my way towards the washroom. Once I'm inside I glance out the window. It's still dark outside; it must be pretty early. I strip down until I'm nothing but skin and flesh. Instead of stepping into the shower, I turn to face myself in the full length mirror. My ankles are too thin, my calves need more definition, my knees are too knobby, my thighs rub against each other, my stomach is marked by motherhood, my breast sag and my posture is horrible. I'm disgusted with myself. Lost hopes and dreams thrown away is what i see when i stare into my dull, bloodshot eyes.

I spit onto the mirror and onto the face of my enemy. She looks as angry as i feel; but when she laughs, i laugh. "What's so funny?" I hiss at my reflection. Seconds of silence go by as i await an answer and when i receive none I take a step closer to the mirror. I remember a time when I was desirable. I trace the lips on the mirror with my finger, then place my lips on the spot where my fingers had just lingered. It feels cold; I wonder if this is what my husband felt when he would kiss me. Is that why he's so disconnected? I stare down my reflection while pondering this thought,and continue to focus my attention on the lips. They smile; the creature in the mirror is smiling as if mocking my failures and troubles. "Why smile when your life is in shambles?" Once again i receive no answer.

I close my eyes, wanting this image of my failure to disappear. But as soon as my eyelids are open, I'm once again confronted with myself. I HATE MYSELF! without even realizing it I throw my body towards the mirror and start swinging my arms. Hysterically I scream and I cry. Sharp incisions cause me pain, as warm liquid is released from inside me. I look down upon my fat self and see red, blood red, I look into my reflection to confirm my sight. My inside have taken over my body.

Today was supposed to be just another day; but maybe it's supposed to be the last day? I'm weak and my head is pounding. I visualize my success; I'm nearly complete. The mortality has spread and now I'm left for dead.